Here’s my deep, dark secret. I am probably one of the most sentimental, emotional people you will ever meet, but you will never know it… I try to keep this side of myself to myself most of the time, but on occasion, the odd thing does slip out. Like crying at phone commercials, music videos, a sad (or happy) story, movies, magazine articles, bus shelter advertisments… Anytime that some kind of human struggle or emotional moment is taking place my empathy meter goes haywire and the waterworks come on. There’s hardly any way to stop this reaction…you can feel it coming, you know its happening, but your body is in control and it says… Weep fool, weep!
The best thing I’ve found to control it is a combination of 8 count breathing (inhale for 8, hold for 8, exhale for 8, hold for 8, repeat until no longer weeping) and scheduling a time to just let loose and howl. The GO train is always a nice option, it pretty much guarantees a seat to yourself. My friend once tried a variation of this technique (he added a bible) on a busy Amtrak route and it worked like a charm!
I wasn’t always like this you know. I used to be tough as nails and unsentimental and mock those weepy fools whose paths crossed mine. That I am now one of those same weepy fools is a little something called ‘Karma up and smacking your mouth in this life, bitch’. It would be slightly more tolerable if I were an attractive cryer. But, no, no Johnny Depp single tear here. Its a full on red eye bulging sloppy and mucousy nightmare wherein I almost always have forgotten to bring along my kleenex. When I was watching ‘Jurassic Park’ one day and wept at the scene where the old dude gives the scientists the grant, thinking ‘ohhhh its so hard to get grant money these days’ I knew that I was a lost cause.
So, alas and alack, for better or for worse, there it is: messy, public weeper. I’m sorry, World. I will try to remember the kleenex.